I wonder what Jesus felt when Judas kissed and betrayed him
that last time, you said – before surging towards me,
lip to lip, two girls betraying our heavenly bodies.
We inhaled and exhaled, Eve and Eve. No serpents here,
we dove instead of fell. Through repentance or maybe love
(but what’s the difference), you got on your knees that night.
You still believe.
Leviticus 18:22. Genesis 19:1-11. Romans 1:18-32.
It is an abomination.
King James Bible, leather bound.
But how? I thought. We knelt too hard and felt too deeply,
hearts wound up like little grenades. Drowned within each other,
running out of air from one another; all the usual cliches.
It was on your tongue that I first found salvation.
You danced from transept to apse to nave, singing,
Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. Forgive, forgive, forgive.
Inhale, exhale, heartstrings ticking like faulty clockwork.
Your Sunday skirt dangled like a limp, shredded flag,
while I thought of the pink in your skinned, knocked knees.
The heavy woodwork of aisles, filtered light, the smell of
musk. There’s a steel flagpole holding your spine ramrod straight,
You have no room for warping inside.
I think it felt like this, I replied, A little tender but more
bitter than sweet. Maybe sad; inevitable defeat.
But most of all, it probably felt good. Relief, and release.